FEATURE ›› REAL-WORLD RETINA

STRIKING A Happy Balance

Ten tips to help you balance your family with your career as a vitreoretinal surgeon.

BY SEENU M. HARIPRASAD, MD

Today, life is good. My career is established and well balanced among my time in the clinic, research pursuits and travel. My wife of 18 years is working on her first novel. We spend time together and with our two beautiful daughters, ages 10 and 12. It’s a very nice place to be.

But we weren’t always this good at striking a balance.

For the first 5 years of my career, I traveled the world with my career on a rocket-like trajectory, so balancing work and family was a painful battle. Our first daughter was born during my residency, while my wife was getting her PhD in English. We had our second daughter during the second year of my fellowship. The girls were both still very young when I started my practice at the University of Chicago — which of course required a great deal of my time and focus.

The difference between then and now isn’t that my wife and I have experienced a big drop-off in activity. That never happens. But we’ve learned a great deal since those early years. Even though there’s very little day-to-day predictability in my professional life (the words “extreme” and “insane” describe my schedule pretty well), I have a very close family. My residents can call me 24/7 and I still need to be there for my patients, handle HR issues and go to conferences, but I have a happy marriage and healthy kids who are doing well.

If you have a young family or you’re just starting one, you have to put a great deal of work into balancing career and family. It’s a great idea to think about now so you can achieve that balance sooner rather than later. I’m happy to share what my family and I have learned.

1 GIVEN A CHOICE, CHOOSE YOUR FAMILY.

My older daughter will leave for college in 6 years. I think about that all the time and feel constant guilt about the time I spend away from both of my daughters. I think that if I didn’t keep this thought at the forefront of my mind, I might be too quick to choose work over family, especially since my home life has a much greater tolerance for lateness and cancellations than my work life.

We feel so pressured to put our careers first. We need to constantly remind ourselves that what really comes first is family. I want to spend as much time as I can with my girls while they’re living under my roof. When I’m 90, I will remember the things we did together, not the extra day I spent at the clinic. There are some things you can’t change, so when you have a choice, choose your family.

2 WORK AS A TEAM.

I owe my career to an amazing spouse who understands my work. Career and family have to be a team effort. Our family shares in each other’s successes. A success for one is a success for all. On a daily basis, that means we all have to contribute and pick up the slack when one person has overwhelming demands.

3 GUARD YOUR VALUABLE TIME.

Getting enough time at home is difficult and requires an active effort. In the first 5 years, there’s a jaw-dropping barrage of invitations to meetings, advisory boards, speaking engagements and consultations. The opportunities to get out of the house are endless! You will only get more of these offers as the years go by, so it pays to be selective early and start creating the balance you want.

The key: Don’t be afraid to say no. I was afraid to turn down anything when I started out because I thought the offers would stop or people would think I was difficult to work with. I was wrong. Eventually, I realized there were more opportunities than I could possibly fulfill. After 10 years of practice, I now turn down 50 to 60 percent of the requests I receive. Don’t be afraid to say no now. Only say yes to the things that truly interest you.

4 LIVE CLOSE TO WORK.

As I balance work time and family time, I always want to reduce wasted time. And there’s no bigger waste of time than a long commute.

We live more modestly in the city than we would in the suburbs, but the rewards are far greater than a fancy house. Work, home and school are all within a 3-minute drive. I can make quick trips to work for emergencies. I can pick up and drop off at my daughters’ school and watch them play sports. If my wife gets caught up with something, I can even get the kids at school and bring them back to the clinic with me. I keep my world small. I stay connected to work and home, and spend more time with my family instead of alone in the car.

5 COMMUNICATE CONSTANTLY.

When schedules are unpredictable, families have to communicate all the time. My wife and I text all the time about when we’ll get home, who will pick up the kids, what to do for dinner and so forth. The kids text us if they need something, as does our extended support network. Life is smoother when there is less uncertainty, and this communication helps us all stay on the same page.

6 BE APPRECIATIVE AND THOUGHTFUL.

You have a busy career and a family, and you couldn’t have those things without the help of that family and your support network. Never take any of them for granted.

In our house, I’m sometimes busier than my wife. If she didn’t understand what I’m doing and help me balance work and home, then I wouldn’t be happy with either one. I recognize everything she and others do to make my life easier and better, and I show that appreciation. I try to be thoughtful, making sure my wife gets time to herself. I also contribute to the kids’ school responsibilities and handle my share of the discipline, so she doesn’t feel overburdened.

What’s more, my wife and I can help each other stay motivated and keep things in perspective by focusing on each other. Every month, we either have a weekend getaway or make reservations for a nice dinner. It gives us something to look forward to when things get tough and it allows us time to focus on each other.

7 IF POSSIBLE, INVOLVE YOUR EXTENDED FAMILY.

Creating a support structure for childcare is vital. One of the best things I ever did for my kids was to bring my in-laws to Chicago after they retired. When they left their jobs in New Jersey, we had our arms wide open and helped set them up here. They live three blocks away and give us the most outstanding childcare support in the world. When my wife and I have work-related social events, graduations, or outings with friends, we have built-in babysitters. We think it’s fabulous to have family close, and they’re enjoying living in the city with us.

Seenu, Anya, Ishani, and Jaya Hariprasad (left to right) in March 2013 at the Four Seasons Resort, Koh Samui, Thailand.

8 BRING FAMILY TO WORK-RELATED SOCIAL FUNCTIONS.

When you have social functions for work, be sure to include your spouse and kids. For example, my wife attends functions with me for residents and fellows during graduation season, and my kids recently went with us to a work-related bowling party.

I like having my family with me, but their attendance is also beneficial because I think it’s important for colleagues to see and meet them. When I can’t make a meeting during Spring break because I’ve blocked out time to spend with my wife and kids while schools are closed, my colleagues understand because they know them.

9 PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE.

When it comes to obsessively checking the phone, I’m the worst offender. We all have to check on our patients, but it’s important to your spouse and kids to have your undivided attention.

Sometimes using the phone is unavoidable, but I force myself to put down the phone and check it only once per hour when possible. On a good night, I can even put down the phone for the whole evening — from dinner through homework with the kids — without checking my phone. It really is possible!

10 WHEN YOUR KIDS ASK YOU TO DO SOMETHING WITH THEM, SAY “YES.”

We only have a few years when our kids ask us to do things with them. If you’re writing a paper or dealing with a work problem and your children ask you to come to an art show, see a game, or help with a science project or homework, make every effort to say yes. It’s meaningful to your children and if you tell them to leave you alone, you’ll regret it.

I remain far from perfect. Balancing career and family takes work, and I don’t have it all figured out. I’m still learning, but my efforts over the past decade have paid off. I wish all the same for you — success in your career and health and happiness at home. NRP